#785 – not you

I don't know if this detail read, so... Shit, okay, remember when vapes were called e-cigarettes and kinda looked like cigarettes? I know this was an entire lifetime ago. Anyway that's what I was trying to imply with the blue light - that Aimee was already examining her life and changing her habits. Way back when Will got it in his head to be with Aimee, she suggested behind cigarette smoke that they were similar in a particular way. This was my fine point on that idea.

8 thoughts on “#785 – not you

  1. That's actually how I read the cig this time around. The blue right does sell the difference between the two.

  2. I noticed!! Though at the time I interpreted it as she was no longer what he expected, something colder and newer. I totally failed to view her as her own subject, oops!

  3. I always read it as "so cold, even the cig is glowing blue".

  4. I need someone to make a list of every Aimee appearance

  5. Ouch.

    This was in yesterday's comic, but what exactly does it mean to be "challenged" by a relationship? People say that all the time and I'm clearly missing something. "Challenge" is what I get from the rest of the world; a relationship is where I look for comfort, companionship, and support.

    The only thing I can think of is that you want someone who's smart and confident enough to have intelligent conversations with, to challenge your viewpoints and make you think. But that's what I want out of most friendships, too, and I don't think of them as "challenging" people, just intelligent people.

    1. Someone who challenges you is someone who sees your bullshit and calls you out on it.

      That doesn't have to be a harsh thing. It can be thoughtful and gentle. For me? I know I need people like that in my life to help me be my best self. I encourage it from friends who are less likely to provide it.

      It feels very early 20s to me now, but I used to confide in my friends that my now-husband was "my champion and my challenger".

      For that first half, I wanted someone who had my back. My family can be pretty dysfunctional and I've been left to fend for myself in some pretty traumatic situations. So I'm only interested in a partner who is an advocate, who is astute and self-assured, who will step in and speak up when he sees something that isn't right. Someone forthright and uncowed. Not passive.

      For that second half, I wanted someone who *saw* me and told me what he saw. Especially when I was missing something. And likewise who expected the same from me.

      My theory is that everyone needs a friend like me, who speaks up when you are making a decision that all your friends are wincing at and worriedly discussing. The one who would tell Puget Sean that the way he keeps putting his hands on Marigold is not cool (I've been that friend). The one who says, "Hey I'm starting to be worried about your drinking." (This could be the best version of Hanna. The worst version of it is how she treated Marigold.) But they also need an Eve, a comfort friend, the one who listens nonjudgmentally, the one who always shows up for you.

      Ideally each person would be a bit of a mix on this front. Both skillsets are important in different situations. I definitely cultivate the nonjudgmental approach in myself because it's not my natural setting. But everyone needs both in order to grow. The challenger gives you hard truths. The comforter gives you the space to explore and face those truths on your own timeline.

      The comforter is unlikely to be your advocate, because they tend to be conflict-avoidant. Eve is almost guaranteed not to speak up for you when you need it–she can't do it for herself most of the time. Take Hanna's abrasiveness down about 3 notches and she'd be an ideal advocate. She's got the incisiveness and the courage. She just needs to balance it with compassion, self-control and strategy.

  6. Yeah, because you know your life is moving in a positive direction when you start vaping.

    I can't believe how quickly my sympathy for Aimee fell apart on re-examination of these pages.

  7. She's talking about the thrill of the chase.

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