#652 + 653 – kids’ll ruin your life

This was a big one for me at the time. I was not yet married or even engaged, but I was thinking about how life opens up to love, how I'd barely scratched the surface having a job and a dog and myself, and that maybe the feminism of my youth was a little deceptive in its focus on the individual. In our quest for equal status and wealth, I think we minimize the power of giving oneself to another, how life-affirming that really is. That's what I was getting at here... that Hanna's mom wanted her daughter (and maybe Eve, by extension) to know that feeling. Eve longs for something vague, something that doesn't seem real. Could this be it?

6 thoughts on “#652 + 653 – kids’ll ruin your life

  1. You are really a genius. I don't know anybody who writes dialogue like you do.

  2. Thank you so much for these updates (especially during the holidays!). Reading your thoughts and reflections on your work is very rewarding and fascinating. I admire your ability to write multi-dimensioned characters who grow.

  3. It's just such a backwards stance though. I'm not saying no one should ever have kids (though if you have more than 2, the environment would like to have a word with you), but kids are something you have to be really certain you want. It's not fair to you *or* then if you don't go in planning to give them your 110%. This whole "oh they're inevitable, you'll come around once you have a shot with them" attitude, which I'm sorry to say does seem most common among boomers, frankly just disgusts me.

    1. To be fair to Hanna's mom, I don't think that's quite what she's saying. In more plain words, I feel like Hanna's mom is saying "Raising my daughter was a wonderful and fulfilling experience and I want her to have that as well."

      Because her first line is "I always thought she'd come around." Meaning that Hanna's mom clearly isn't holding out hope that Hanna will change her mind, no. She's accepted that Hanna isn't coming around. Hanna's mom is clearly self aware here, she gets that going on and on about how great parenthood is will just alienate her daughter.

      But let's be honest here, if a parent *isn't* going to try to sell people on being a parent, they probably weren't a good parent. That's not to say that you can't be a shitty parent and also go on and on about how great parenthood is, but rather that I don't think we should begrudge the people who love/loved being a parent for trying to sell that to other people. If they genuinely see it as the best thing that ever happened to them, it only makes sense that they might want to encourage others to try it. (however the people who see parenthood as the social "default" are a whole different story)

  4. There is Eve,
    Lost in a sea of puzzles,…and fresh, delicious muffins!

  5. I remember really needing to hear this when you first posted it. I was living a pretty shallow life and this just gave me another perspective I wasn’t getting that I needed at the time. I love your writing. Especially these reflections you’ve added.

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